{"id":145261,"date":"2019-01-17T08:31:46","date_gmt":"2019-01-17T13:31:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/today.uconn.edu\/?post_type=school-college-post&p=145261"},"modified":"2019-01-30T12:29:39","modified_gmt":"2019-01-30T17:29:39","slug":"parents-might-rethink-raising-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/today.uconn.edu\/2019\/01\/parents-might-rethink-raising-voice\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Parents Might Rethink Raising Their Voice"},"content":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s a good chance that you (a) were yelled at by your parents as a child (b) have yelled at your own children, or (c) all of the above.<\/p>\n

As humans, yelling is in our wiring. It\u2019s an evolutionary alarm system for when seconds count to preserve life and limb.<\/p>\n

When it comes to our children, yelling surely has its place. When our kid starts chasing the ball into the street, raising our voice can be very effective. \u201cBut when it comes to correcting behavior or compelling children to do something\u2026 maybe not so much,\u201d says UConn Health assistant professor of psychiatry Damion Grasso<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"Dr.
Damion Grasso, assistant professor of psychiatry (Photo by Janine Gelineau)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What if the reason we raise our voice with our children has more do with releasing our own frustration than it does with constructively influencing how our kids behave?<\/p>\n

What if, rather than being a tool for teaching our kids how to make good choices, yelling fuels our desire as parents to feel like we\u2019re in control?<\/p>\n

Could we be unintentionally conveying the message that we in fact are not in control?<\/p>\n

Are we actually preventing<\/em> our kids from making good choices on their own because they\u2019re just waiting for our next reaction to decide what to do?<\/p>\n

Increasingly, parental experts are emphasizing the concept that yelling at our kids causes more problems than we intend for it to solve.<\/p>\n

\u201cYelling, screaming, and threatening children to get them to start or stop a behavior is ineffective and increases risk that children will develop emotional or behavioral problems,\u201d Grasso says. \u201cAnd children in homes where parents regularly raise their voices tend to have lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression.\u201d<\/p>\n

Grasso and colleague Margaret Briggs-Gowan<\/a> have found that verbal forms of harsh parenting partially explain the relationship between children\u2019s exposure to parental conflict and mental health problems. Currently they are studying the association between harsh parenting and children\u2019s exposure to interpersonal violence and how children respond to threatening stimuli.<\/p>\n

\u201cExposure to chronic and severe harsh parenting, especially behaviors that cross the line into what we might consider emotional abuse, such as calling a child \u2018dumb or lazy,\u2019 saying they\u2019re no good, or threatening to send them away, is associated with more serious mental health problems in children that include depression, anxiety, and disruptive behavior disorders, Grasso says.<\/p>\n

There are alternatives to yelling as a correction tool, often requiring some planning ahead.<\/p>\n

For example, here\u2019s one approach for getting your child to put away her coat and backpack after school:<\/p>\n