Stop what you are doing. Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. Those can be the first steps on the path to becoming a kinder person, according to psychologist Tara Cousineau \u201987 (CLAS), author of \u201cThe Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World.\u201d<\/p>\n
When Cousineau began writing her book in 2016, she says \u201clocal hate incidents in schools seemed on the rise. Public and political discourse was cruel, and social media channels caused more harm than good. I wanted to do something about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Of course these are all tensions that exist today. Americans are suffering from what Cousineau calls \u201ckindness phobia.\u201d She believes the impulse to be kind is built into our nervous systems, but current events are short circuiting people\u2019s emotional wiring. Stress creates emotional tunnel vision. Immediately people zero in on the threat. That jacks up their stress more, and when people are in fight or flight, says Cousineau, they are less generous, less friendly, and less kind.<\/p>\n
Besides having her own private practice in the Boston area, Cousineau sees students at Harvard\u2019s Mental Health and Counseling Service and is an adjunct faculty member at the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion, which is affiliated with Harvard Medical School.<\/p>\n
She urges fledgling Samaritans to begin by directing their compassion not to others but toward a surprising audience \u2014 themselves, a task many find difficult. \u201cCompassion begins with kindness to ourselves. You must love yourself first. The more you practice kindness for yourself, the more resilient and compassionate you become for everyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n
Getting started begins by being present in your life, she instructs. \u201cNotice your feet on the floor. Notice what your five senses tell you at any given moment. Instead of being caught in a mind-loop of all the stressors in your day, slow down,\u201d she advises.<\/p>\n
How will that help? The goal is to retrain the nervous system to respond rather than react. It need not require something demanding or time-consuming like an hour of daily meditation. It\u2019s better to practice what Cousineau calls \u201cthree by fours\u201d\u2014 spending three minutes breathing four times a day.<\/p>\n