{"id":242413,"date":"2026-03-18T07:18:19","date_gmt":"2026-03-18T11:18:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/today.uconn.edu\/?p=242413"},"modified":"2026-03-26T15:41:12","modified_gmt":"2026-03-26T19:41:12","slug":"surviving-adversity-comes-from-daily-choices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/today.uconn.edu\/2026\/03\/surviving-adversity-comes-from-daily-choices\/","title":{"rendered":"Surviving Adversity Comes From Daily Choices"},"content":{"rendered":"

When Keith Bellizzi<\/a> was diagnosed with cancer four days shy of his 25th birthday, there wasn\u2019t much to smile about.<\/p>\n

There wasn\u2019t anything fun about the prospect of spending two years in the hospital fighting a disease that had spread during the six months he waited to call a doctor for pain that deep down he knew at the outset wasn\u2019t normal.<\/p>\n

The Mohawk haircut was kind of cool though, and so were the other designs his best friend carved into his hairline the day of his head-shaving party. Like with many cancer patients, it was Bellizzi\u2019s way of exerting control over the inevitable.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was able to do it on my terms, and that made a difference,\u201d he says of that day in his kitchen back in the mid-1990s when he watched his locks fall to the ground.<\/p>\n

\"A
Keith Bellizzi, a human development and family sciences professor at UConn who specializes in cancer survivorship, says personal resilience is the result of conscious choices people make every day. (Photo courtesy of Stacy Baran)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Taking control is among the three things that Bellizzi, a human development and family sciences<\/a> professor at UConn who specializes in cancer survivorship, says helps people through hard times.<\/p>\n

\u201cSociety teaches us that when we face adversity, we have to be tough, we have to power through, we have to be positive all the time,\u201d Bellizzi says. \u201cWe\u2019re also taught that resilience means bouncing back. I argue that sometimes there\u2019s nowhere to bounce back to. Illness, trauma, and loss change you forever. So, when I think about resilience, I think about it as adapting in a meaningful way to the life that you\u2019re currently living.\u201d<\/p>\n

Adversity Is Part of Being Human<\/strong><\/h4>\n

From life and death circumstances to irritating and inconvenient situations, trying times plague everyone, he says, it\u2019s part of being human. A health diagnosis might bring bad news, parenting might become a challenge, work pressures might squeeze, finances might erode \u2013 and the break hits when the garage door stops working or furnace keeps going out.<\/p>\n

Before those storms move in, Bellizzi \u2013 whose book \u201cFalling Forward: The New Science of Resilience and Personal Transformation\u201d<\/a> was published by Thrive Press in late 2025 \u2013 says people need to understand that resilience is not a fixed trait that someone either has or doesn\u2019t have<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s something that comes about through the choices a person makes each day, and the first choice is recognizing what things can be controlled and what things cannot, much like the buzzing of Bellizzi\u2019s hair.<\/p>\n

\u201cTrying to control what\u2019s uncontrollable causes anxiety, stress, and worry,\u201d he says. \u201cInstead, if you focus on things you can control, that gives you agency, and research tells us that agency and control are important when it comes to healthy adaptation.\u201d<\/p>\n

The second choice that resilient people make, he says, is pausing and resetting, making self-care a priority even in a world that rushes people through their days. Regularly reassessing one\u2019s goals and prioritizing what\u2019s important helps to ground and allows a person to live in the moment.<\/p>\n

For Bellizzi that means going for a hike or bike ride, sitting in a sunny window to meditate, calling a friend who\u2019s far away but not forgotten, small things that don\u2019t take a lot of time but make a big difference.<\/p>\n

\u201cPracticing self-care doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re selfish,\u201d he says. \u201cNot only do you benefit, but your employer benefits, your family benefits, and the relationships that you\u2019re in typically are stronger and better because of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

After all, life isn\u2019t a solo journey, Bellizzi says, and the third choice that resilient people make is recognizing the importance of maintaining connections and asking for support when needed.<\/p>\n

For example, he says, an older person who may have aged into disability and now has trouble getting around might need to lean on the family support system to keep them from feeling isolated. That could mean picking them up and taking them to breakfast or the park more often or chatting with them more regularly over video call.<\/p>\n

\u201cIsolation is something that\u2019s becoming more prevalent and problematic in our society,\u201d Bellizzi says. \u201cWe really need to strengthen our support networks and activate them in times of trial.\u201d<\/p>\n

Consistent Practice \u2013 Even for the Researcher<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Bellizzi says he\u2019d describe as resilient many of the people he\u2019s met in life, and what\u2019s consistent among all of them is their conscious practice of it each day – and that includes himself.<\/p>\n

Subsequent cancer diagnoses and treatment in 2016 and 2022 were like sucker punches for even the researcher who\u2019s made a career of studying how to recover from hardship. Surviving them took work, using every strategy he\u2019d accumulated over 20 years of study.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all will experience hardship, and what\u2019s important is how you respond to it,\u201d he says. \u201cThe term \u2018falling forward\u2019 suggests that we all struggle, yet as we learn to adapt, we can do it in a way that moves us forward.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s hard, though, in a world in which increasing levels of loss, hardship, and struggle are part of nearly every breaking news alert detailing turbulent times at home and abroad.<\/p>\n

Bellizzi says the news can cause a great deal of anxiety, so limiting the amount of time spent on social media or consuming news stories is important and harkens to the first choice of resilient people, that is taking control over what you can.<\/p>\n

Ruminating on things outside one\u2019s control only causes additional stress, he adds, noting that study after study has shown that chronic stress negatively affects the body, which then could exacerbate the adversities at hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust because you\u2019re struggling doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re failing,\u201d Bellizzi says. \u201cIt means you\u2019re human. We\u2019re all struggling, we all have things in life that we\u2019re dealing with. It\u2019s not always about powering through. Sometimes it\u2019s about learning how to carry it forward, with meaning.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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