This Thanksgiving, I had a creative moment thinking about my former satirical (or maybe just more satirical) self before I became dean of CLAS. This is the result.
It’s Hard to Be Funny as Dean
(to the tune of “Acres of Clams” aka “Rosin Le Beau”)
To hear the song (and sing along), click here:
C F
When I was a faculty member,
C Am
My pen dripped with acid and bile,
C F
And no university leader,
C G C
Was safe from satirical fire.
C F
But it’s hard to be funny as dean, boys,
C Am
It’s hard to be funny as dean,
C F
Satire’s a tool of the masses, boys,
C G C
It’s hard to be funny as dean.
I’d never make fun of the provost,
His wisdom and judgment are pure,
He’s far above humor and jest, boys,
I’d like to keep my job secure.
It’s hard to be funny as dean, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean,
You can orate, debate, and proclaim, boys,
But it’s hard to be funny as dean.
The president’s words are like honey,
Her vision inspires us all,
She’s out on the road raising money, but
She could fire me with a phone call.
It’s hard to be funny as dean, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean,
Better keep counting those beans, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean.
I work with the heads of departments,
On budgets and staff we agree,
I’ve nary a doubt of their talents,
There are 20 of them and there’s me.
It’s hard to be funny as dean, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean,
You need to inspire and lead, boys,
it’s hard to be funny as dean.
The faculty’s brilliance is legend,
Their research earns worldwide respect,
Whatever they want I will give them,
I don’t want to get them upset.
It’s hard to be funny as dean, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean,
You have to wear ties and speak wisely,
It’s hard to be funny as dean.
My deanship will someday expire,
To the faculty I will ascend,
And then I’ll be free to write satire,
And not be afraid to offend.
It’s hard to be funny as dean, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean,
Satire’s the tool of the masses, boys,
It’s hard to be funny as dean.
