A growing number of college students are experiencing loneliness. According to a May 2024 report by the virtual college healthcare provider TimelyCare, in partnership with youth mental health nonprofit Active Minds, nearly 65% of college students reported feeling lonely, with 28.4% reporting often feeling isolated, 23.1% being left out, and 21% lacking companionship.
The findings were from a survey of about 1,000 college students enrolled in two or four-year colleges and universities. The report comes less than a year after Surgeon General Vivek Murthy launched a campus tour last fall to address loneliness on campus, calling it an “epidemic.”
Amanda Cooper, assistant professor of communication, studies interpersonal communication. Cooper’s research is at the intersection of interpersonal, family, and health communication. Below she provides insight on how to navigate feelings of loneliness and ways for students to address it.
What is loneliness? What does it mean when someone feels lonely?
Some argue that loneliness is simply an emotional experience of feeling alone. Often, we’re really talking about a sense of being isolated or disconnected from others.
Loneliness is about the feeling of being alone, regardless of the number of people around you. It’s not something we can measure simply by counting how many people you talked to in a day; it’s more about whether you feel connected to others. You might think, “I don’t have friends,” or “I don’t feel connected,” which shows how cognition and emotion are intertwined.
This doesn’t mean you can’t feel lonely when you’re alone or feel better when you’re with others, but loneliness transcends the number of people present. You can feel lonely in any context.
Research shows that meaningful relationships help us avoid feelings of loneliness. If I have a meaningful relationship and someone to turn to for help, I likely feel less alone.
Are college students becoming more lonely?
I do notice feelings of loneliness and isolation among them. Whether in my practice as a professor or through research, this issue is prevalent. College students often face challenges in forming meaningful connections, which can lead to feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness is difficult to recognize because it’s something people often don’t broadcast. However, I’ve noticed a pattern in my classroom where students frequently come in a few minutes before class starts, all wearing headphones and focused on their own devices. They don’t talk to each other, make eye contact, or engage. While it’s hard to tell if all those students are lonely, the lonely ones blend in well with those who aren’t, who might simply be listening to music or a podcast.
One concern I have is the lack of social touches throughout the day. If students keep their headphones in and focus on their devices, they may not develop deep, meaningful connections with their classmates. However, if they have someone they feel comfortable chatting with at the beginning of class, that fosters a sense of belonging in that space.
Having even a casual friend—what I like to call a “math class friend”—can significantly enhance that feeling of belonging and create a safe environment. This trend of isolation worries me because those who experience chronic loneliness often feel they lack deep social connections and a sense of belonging. Loneliness is fundamentally about feeling a lack of inclusion or connection with others.
My recommendation for anyone feeling isolated is to start practicing the art of conversation.
What is meaningful social interaction?
I think that the word “meaningful” is really important here. We interact; we communicate all the time, but maybe not always meaningfully. Generally, the things that make our relationships, conversations, or interactions meaningful are some kind of personal connection.
Our more meaningful conversations involve a greater depth of self-disclosure. We share more important personal things, and usually, it’s a reciprocal process. So, if someone just sits and tells you their life story, that might be really meaningful, but if you don’t get the chance to say anything back, that’s going to limit the degree to which that’s a meaningful interaction.
The core components would be self-disclosure, reciprocity, and some sort of emotional experience of affiliation – so, a sense of liking, connection, and pleasure in the conversation, maybe even a sharing of difficult emotions.
Sometimes we don’t connect over just positive things. We might connect over sharing difficulty.
Is there a formula or algorithm that somebody can apply to see if their needs are being met?
As a communication researcher, I would love to be able to say, “If you do X, Y, and Z, you will guarantee a meaningful interaction.”
However, there are so many factors that contribute to whether an interaction will be meaningful that there isn’t a formula or an algorithm you can simply apply. Moreover, none of our interactions happen in isolation. All of the relational history and previous conversations we’ve had, along with everything we know about each other, are present in the moment of interaction. There is so much that goes into a conversation or interaction that it’s difficult to provide a perfect formula.
So, how do we have more meaningful interactions?
There are some things we can do to make our conversations more meaningful and build connections with others.
A good rule of thumb is that everyone likes to talk about themselves. So, if you want someone to engage with you or get to know them, ask them to share something about themselves and show genuine interest. Just being willing to start conversations and asking people about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences is usually a great way to initiate a conversation and lead to a meaningful interaction. Then try to be present and listen.
We can develop skills and improve our communication in ways that make it easier to have meaningful interactions.
Practicing your listening skills, putting away your device, and getting rid of distractions are important. Asking open questions and follow-up questions is also crucial. Sometimes, we don’t know how to get past that first question. So, practicing asking questions is a great skill you can develop. These feel like no-brainers, but they are simple things we can do to improve our conversations.
Additionally, practicing a bit of vulnerability—being willing to share about yourself and open up—can be challenging, but these are the things that foster meaningful interactions.
What’s a good place for students to start when they’re looking to make more meaningful connections?
As human beings, we love to talk about ourselves. If you’re feeling lonely, a great way to overcome that is to find someone and start asking them questions— just initiate a conversation.
If you’re feeling a lack of connection, there are likely others nearby who feel just as lonely and disconnected. It takes courage to reach out, and I don’t want to suggest that it’s solely the responsibility of lonely individuals to figure things out on their own.
However, if I were to give advice to someone feeling socially disconnected or wanting more connection in their life, I would recommend trying to talk to one new person each day. Building communication skills is important, and simply starting a conversation can go a long way.
When I was in college, I took a couple of semesters off and returned mid-year. I moved in with random roommates who would leave every weekend. I often found myself alone in a big house, feeling completely isolated. During that time, I met a girl who shared an interesting story about living in Alaska and driving a tour bus. I noticed she also seemed to lack friends, so I introduced myself and expressed interest in her experience.
We began talking and decided to start organizing outings, like campfires, and we invited anyone we saw. This initiative blossomed into a larger social circle, and I ended up feeling very connected. In fact, I’m flying across the country next week to attend her wedding!
Our connection formed because we both recognized our shared sense of isolation. The broader social network we built came from a willingness to do something challenging—simply saying, “Hi, who are you? I’d love to hear more about your summer in Alaska.”
My recommendation for anyone feeling isolated is to start practicing the art of conversation. You might have awkward moments or meet people who aren’t a great fit for you, but those experiences can turn into funny stories later on. Flexing that muscle, learning to initiate conversations, and showing genuine interest in others are skills we can develop.
These efforts may not eliminate loneliness immediately, but they can lead to deeper connections over time. It’s all about taking that first step and trying it out.
